Doing this shit is hard. I was gaining weight on my new vegan diet. I was making very yummy meals using lots of avacado and playing fast and loose with the olive oil. Plus the vegan cookies and soy ice cream. I figured there would come a point when I would have to get real. The beginning was just about having fun. I planned it that way. But I must say I didn’t expect to gain weight so fast! Or at all really, I just figured I wouldn’t loose in the beginning. So now I’m attempting to cut out the sugar and cut way back on the oil. And things got real, real fast. The first day was excruciating and I failed. I attempted to do 10% of daily calories in fat which is nothing really. It means using no oil whatsoever and no nuts. Try that while eating salad and you’ll see what I mean. Thankfully and mercifully I found some products by Walden Farms which are, if you can believe this, sugar free, fat free, carb free, cholesterol free, and calorie free. I found a sandwich spread to use on wraps and an asian salad dressing that are surprisingly good. I am beyond thankful because truthfully, I don’t think I could eat dry salad and dry veggies. BUT, the hunger was killing me, it was very surprising because I was eating a lot of bulk but when you cut back that much on fat your body screams for it and I mean screams. One book I’m reading says if you follow the low-fat plan perfectly for 3 months you’ll loose your craving for fat. Three months!! excuse my french but are you fucking kidding me! I can’t feel that hungry for three months or I’m going to end up in jail for punching someone. Anyway, I’ve had to dial back my expectations some and last night I made some stir fry with a small amount of oil and some tempeh (which you can’t have on the 10% fat diet), and it was good and I felt much better. I can live without the sugar, and the nuts, and I can cut back on the fat by using the Walden Farms products but I’m going to use oil sometimes and I’m going to eat tempeh which is, by the way, a complete and easily digested protein and super yum!
So, the struggles begin, which are inevitable. But I can’t leave it here without turning the focus to what has gone well and what is good. First and foremost and probably most important is I feel much better. I have more energy and I need less sleep. In fact, the extra energy has led to me feeling bored because I’m so used to feeling tired all the time. It will take time to learn to fill the time and I’m trying to remember that. I heard a lady speak at a 12-step group the other day, who has been without her drug of choice for 21 years and she said she learned an important thing very early on and that was to focus on her abundance. It sounds really new agey and I am not, but it still made sense. No matter how good your life is you can always find something wrong with it and negative thinking becomes a habit. I know this from personal experience. I also know that no matter how bad things get sometimes there is always something good. Every bad situation I have ever lived through had a silver lining of some sort. If I have a roof over my head, healthy food, and comfortable place to sleep I’m living like a queen. So when I start to feel sorry for myself because eating healthy is hard and I have to shop more and cook more and I don’t get to be spontaneous and go to drive throughs and eat ice cream every weekend, then I’m missing so much that is good. Like the chance to live longer and even more important, the chance to feel good. There is also the chance to set a good example for my kids and to make them proud, and the chance to feel better about myself because I’m living the way I always wished I could. Being a slave to my bad eating habits was a weight that I carried around with me wherever I went. There is such freedom in what I’m doing now, even though that freedom comes with a price.